"Recovery is a real thing, and it's possible" - Steven's Story

RipLB had the opportunity to sit down and chat with Steven Dodge, a local young person in long term recovery. Check out the interview and walk away with some good vibes + hope!

RipLB: Let's get some of your "stats" first. How old are you, where you from, and how long have you been sober?

Steven Dodge: I'm 27, from Oceanside, NY, and my sober date is July 22, 2013 - so I have a little over four years.

RipLB: How did you know you had an addiction?

Steven: I could definitely say I always knew there was something different about me. For example, when it was 11am and my friends were playing handball and I was the one against the fence drinking a forty. I was always the one passing out, getting Sharpie written on his face, throwing up. I always knew I was unable to control it. At that time though, I just thought that’s what happened when people drink - like checking your phone to see which ex-girlfriend you called. My whole drinking career though was me trying to control it.

RipLB: Was it hard to stop drinking and using? How did you do it?

Steven: The day it happened... I didn’t choose the day, the day chose me. I mean, I "quit" every morning - I would tell myself every morning that I was gonna stop, or that "I’ll never do that again if I get out of this situation." When that day came it wasn’t of my choosing. When the pain of using outweighs the pain of getting sober, recovery becomes possible, ya know? My dad told me that.

RipLB: How did your family deal while you were using? What was helpful or beneficial that they did?

Steven: My family definitely did the best they could. Throughout my whole life, not just with my drinking. But the best thing they did was that no matter what scenario was happening, I always knew I could turn to them for help. And when it was time to turn to them to get help, they gave me help without hesitation. That’s why today I always try to keep my hand out to help someone else - that one day you take your hand away, might be the day someone is going to grab for it.

RipLB: What changes did you have to make in your daily life once you were sober?

Steven: [Laughs] Everything - very simple - everything. The way I acted, dressed, spoke, thought, reacted, literally everything about me had to change.

RipLB: How did you do that?

Steven: Well, my lifestyle was so congruent with active using that when I stopped using, I kind of snapped back to reality, like, what am I doing? Obviously getting involved in a program of recovery helped me learn a lot of things, from people that got sober before me. Before that, I didn’t know how to be a proper brother, son, friend… I had to learn it.

RipLB: Was it difficult? How did you handle that?

Steven: I wouldn’t call it difficult - it was definitely a cultural shock though... I had to actually practice speaking differently, like, I try not to curse today. Stuff like... I had to practice not littering until it became the fabric of my life. I still have to practice it, and I slip up all the time. The fact that you relapse in your actions before your drinking, those action relapses are a red flag, but I can correct them before I wind up with a drink in my hand.

RipLB: What was your first interaction with a sober support group like?

Steven: First I want to say that my biggest fear coming into recovery was not finding other young people that were doing what I was doing. I thought I was doomed to sit around with older people drinking coffee and taking about how shitty life is, and I was okay with that, if that's what it was gonna be, if it meant I would be free from drugs and alcohol. But when I did find that support group that was in my age bracket that was trying to live the way I was trying to live, it was that feeling of I’m home, I’ve arrived. It’s a fundamental part of recovery: fellowshipping.

RipLB: Why do you continue to go to meetings?

Steven: First and foremost, to stay sober. After that, primarily to assist the newcomer. That’s what it’s all about - helping the next person. That’s the point of working a program, but it’s also what keeps me sober. I can only keep it by giving it away. And just like the people that were there before me helped me... it would be really selfish to take from them and not give to the next new person.

When I’m doing service, helping another individual who’s struggling, I feel I’m at my most completeness. The feeling I got when I first took a pill, that was like the first time the emptiness in me was filled. But then when I was sitting down one-on-one helping another individual in recovery, I get that same feeling of the emptiness being filled, but without a mask. It's not superficial.

At the end of the day, I don’t have a "drug problem," I have a "Steven problem" - drugs were my solution. Once the drugs and alcohol were taken out of the equation, I had to work on the problem that was me. That’s why I have to work on myself in recovery. I work on myself by being in relationships with others and doing selfless acts to grow as a human being, on a daily basis.

RipLB: What do you do for fun in recovery?

Steven: Anything I want to! That’s the best part. I could literally do whatever I want. My life is not limited by me being in recovery. If anything, it’s obviously enhanced. I can go wherever I want to go. I got sober because alcohol controlled my life, so if I couldn't go somewhere because alcohol bothered me there, that'd mean I still have a problem with it. But I’m free from it today. It no longer controls my life. So now I can do anything and recovery has put me in a position where I can pay for those things I want to do, and I can find time to do them. I go to festivals, weddings, concerts, vacations... whatever I want really. When I was active in addiction, I used to have things I wanted to do, but then I’d take another hit of the blunt and never do it. So this is a blessing. I’m free.

A SLATE Project event

Steven and his fiance

Steven and his mom

RipLB: How do you handle a tough day now, being in recovery?

Steven: Just like the rest of the world I guess. I mean I have my own outlets. I utilize the resources that are available to me, whether that be a friend or just someone I can call on. But I have problem-solving skills today, where I don’t feel like I wanna blow my brains out because I have a nail in my tire or my shoe lace is untied. I live a solution-based life. They’re the same tools that are laid out at everybody's feet. Today I decide to use them. I don't have anything different or more special than anybody else has, I just choose to use them.

RipLB: Looking back, were there signs or symptoms? Is there anything you’d tell family members/loved ones to look for?

Steven: If you have a gut feeling, follow it. Don’t sweep anything under the rug. I would also say if you're a parent - you're a parent first, and a friend second. I’d rather be, and what I probably will be, is that annoying, in-your-face dad. I’d rather be that than the one that lets you do whatever you want and you fall into a problem under their nose.

RipLB: What would you tell the family of someone who’s struggling with addiction?

Steven: There’s no shame in asking for help. The only thing there’s shame in is needing help and NOT asking for it, I think. Sometimes we have to understand that we don’t have the tools, resources, and knowledge to handle certain situations and that’s OK. Sometimes there are people out there who went through it already, or professionals who can help.

A lot of people are concerned with the closed family dynamic like, “I don't want people to know about it,” but that stuff only leads to one place. You either get sober or you die.

In 2016, almost 500 people on Long Island died of an opioid overdose - and that's just what's been recorded. That’s 1.5 people a day! That's not including all the people who were revived with Narcan and lived - so it would’ve been that many more. Nationally, every 19 minutes someone dies of a prescription drug overdose. To use a comparison, and not to minimize it, but, Ebola was national news and only 1 person in the U.S. died. Again, not to minimize that, but we gotta talk about this.

RipLB: We totally agree that we need to talk about this... obviously! That's why we're here. :) Speaking of doing something about this issue, you are the founder of the SLATE Project. Tell me about that. How did you start it?

Steven: I had a compelling feeling I should talk to the kids at the high school I went to - I literally just walked in the front door (the security guards knew me because I was always in trouble) and asked if I could talk to the health classes. They said, "We can do you one better and book you for Human Relations day." When that day happened, it felt like everyone came - students, teachers - it wound up being seven periods in a row, and so many people at each talk. Judging by the reactions I got it made an impact. From there, they referred me somewhere else to speak, and from there somewhere else, I kept getting more and more referrals. So I incorporated and applied for nonprofit status. I’ve never made a call to ask if I can come speak, but last year I spoke at 10 schools.

Our mission is education, prevention, and awareness about substance abuse and alcoholism, centered around the youth population of local communities, and most importantly to promote recovery and show people that recovery is a real thing and it’s possible. Not a lot of people know what that is. Me personally... I thought, you just die. That was the only way out.

Since then we’ve branched out to more than just youth populations. I never say no to service, so there’ve been several times where I’ve spoken with other populations, PTA groups, for example. I bring my mom to PTA groups to do public speaking with me. She’ll do her thing and then I’ll do mine, like a tag team. It's all about reaching the audience. At the end of the day, identification is the key way to reach an audience. I read this quote one time and I fell in love with it, and I try to implement it: "When you speak from the mind, you reach someone’s mind. When you speak from the heart, you reach someone’s heart. But when you speak from your life experience, you have the chance to change someone’s life." I think that’s the key to any presentation.

So it's going great! We’re continuing to be in new school districts each year, we’re continuing to reach more and more people and that’s the goal: to reach as many people as we can.

RipLB: What’s your favorite part of life in recovery?

Steven: My favorite thing is that it’s not a destination. I can continue to grow, if I work for it. It all comes down to the work I want to put in and how far I want to go, being able to accomplish goals. Normal things.

Before I ever even started drinking I always felt like I didn't fit in, was never good enough... and recovery has granted me the ability to fit in, to accomplish what I want to accomplish, and to have goals and crush those goals.

Honestly I think I have the best life ever. I think everyone should be able to say that. I thoroughly enjoy sitting at the table with my family on holidays, the same table I used to sit at and count down the minutes until I could go and smoke a blunt and get away.

To normal people this might be such a regular thing, like, "Everyone does that," but I’m able to live in the moment and capture each individual moment now. I’m able to live in each moment and enjoy it.

RipLB: Steven, thank you so much. It's been amazing talking with you. If people want to find you or the SLATE Project online, where can they find you?

Steven: You can find us on Facebook at The Slate Project or on our website at TheSlateProject.org. To reach me, email steven@theslateproject.org

#recovery #service #families