5 Tips that Work for Me to Handle Anxiety
There was a point in my life that anxiety took over my body and my mind.
The effects felt like chest pains, knots in my stomach, tingling in my ears and down my arms and that wasn’t the worst of it all… it was the mindfuck: What I was feeling physically would ultimately determine my decisions in the moment.
When I had chest pains and knots in my stomach, my mind would go into overdrive, overthinking whatever decision I made - and then the decisions were not good, right, or enough to stand by.
Life events happen to everyone, everyone’s story is different but what everyone has in common is how they are going to react to their own situation. Fight or flight was my reaction. I’m not a violent person, it was never physical, but I won’t deny that I always had something to say - I’m Puerto Rican and Colombian - c'mon now, I’m filled with opinions! But I would just storm out whenever I couldn’t handle the stress.
I’d overthink every situation, create every scenario possible, so I was always ready for an argument - arguments that never happened or even existed. Personally, professionally, socially…my anxiety didn’t discriminate. Now you’re probably thinking, "Damn, she was an angry Spanish chick on the loose!" Not really LOL. But one thing I can tell you, I was going down a slippery slope into depression. Isolation, losing interest, distancing myself from everyone, always wanting to sleep, my bed was my security blanket, literally! I had become my own worst enemy. I just didn’t care anymore, about me or what tomorrow was going to bring, and it showed. Everyone around me could see it in my eyes.
I couldn’t hide it anymore. I had hit my rock bottom. This “strong, independent” woman was shamefully weak. Now thinking back, I knew I couldn’t let this define me, who I am, and I fought a fight that no one knew about.
Tip #1: Learn, Discover, and Put Into Action
Anxiety and depression were controlling me. They were taking me down a very dark hole and digging myself out of it was getting harder. I had to take back what is mine: my mind! I had enough, so I started going to therapy sessions. I’ve since learned to cope with my physical state being in anxiety. I will never be ashamed of going to therapy; those sessions opened up my mind, made me look at every situation in another light. Whoever is reading this, if you're going to therapy or thinking about going… do it! Keep going! Never be ashamed of bettering yourself, for YOURSELF! Those therapy sessions were like sitting in a classroom learning about my life, learning how to look at my perception in a different light, or a bigger picture.
It didn’t stop there for me. I was reading books, articles, and YouTube videos - anything I could get my hands on - and turning what I learned into actions. Whenever I felt my chest tighten up I would take a moment, take deep breaths, and remind myself that this has nothing to do with what is happening in your life at the moment. The treadmill was my best friend at the time. I'd put on some Jay-Z or Kanye music and run my anxiety out of my body - I would exhaust my body. My mind would run with me and overthink, but that run was my escape. There were many runs that I would discover myself and have ah-ha moments. There were times in the middle of the day at work whenever I felt overwhelmed and couldn’t take a hold of what I was feeling and thinking. I’d hide in the back office and do some pushups. Then I'd get up, wipe my hands clean and go back to work. This might sound weird to you, but it worked for me.
The point is, teach yourself what YOU need to do for YOURSELF. This method worked for me, it may not work for someone else. Find out what your coping mechanism is to get you out of your body and into your mind. Your mind is a powerful muscle in your body, work that baby out. When your anxiety is knocking, you’ll know what you need to do to keep it at bay. Become your own teacher.
Tip #2: Believe in yourself and make decisions
Adulting is so exhausting!! If you really think about it you make decisions all day - at work, personal, social, on your drive home from work... should I stop for gas now or in the morning? (eye-roll). You are making decisions. You have to trust yourself in believing in what you want out of YOUR life. I think a lot of people, including myself at one point, made decisions based on other people’s opinions about me or my situation. FUCK THAT! You have to believe that what you want is for the greater good of yourself.
When I took over the family business and all the weight was on my shoulders to make sure there was enough work to keep everyone busy, closing on jobs, paying bills, and making sure there was enough money for the overhead, etc., the anxiety was at a 10! Shit just got real! I could have just given up and said: I can’t do this. How can anyone take me seriously? A female running a locksmith company... a male driven industry! GASP! I can’t! I didn’t believe I could do it and the anxiety was like that little devil on my shoulder. But with tip #1, I was able to clear my head, put into action what I needed to do to take my thoughts away from what I was feeling, and focus on what was in front of me. I was able to prove to MYSELF and to my father: I got this Papi! Enjoy your life not worrying, I can handle this! I believed in myself that I could make the business thrive. I could make educated, informed, logical decisions and stick with them.
I believed in ME. In life you come to crossroads and you either go left or right and whatever direction you take, you stick to it. Don’t make a U-turn... just continue on your path, it will lead you to where you want to be. The choice is yours!
Tip #3: Listen to yourself and Reflect
My mind was so cloudy when I couldn’t take hold of my thoughts. I’d do the blame game, create all these storms around me, then fall victim to my own disasters. I would complain to anyone that was willing to listen. That’s a big NO-NO. First, you never know if they're there because they genuinely care and want to give genuine advice or just there so they can take your pain and struggles as a topic of conversation to the next person. Yup, I peeped that.
Second, too much advice from too many people can make your mind go into a frenzy and then when your actions don’t match the advice that was given to you, you have to explain yourself. Now you fall into that category of making a decision based on what someone thinks about you. It becomes a vicious cycle of, ”what had happened was...” in the next conversation. Ugh! There goes that anxiety again. Stop the nonsense!
Take a time out, turn off the outside noise, evaluate yourself. Have some alone time, reflect, center yourself back. Ask yourself what you want. How do you want your present and future to play out? And actually answer them. Now take that answer as your own advice. Listen to yourself, trust that you will make the right choices. #BELIEVE.
Tip #4: Look in the mirror
Metaphorically and literally: look in the mirror. There have been plenty of times where I was tested, where I was at the end of my patience. Anxiety starts creeping in and I want to lash out, but where was that going to take me? Not in the direction I wanted to go towards.
You might be asking what does that have to do with looking in the mirror? Well my friend, your reaction is a reflection of yourself - it’s that simple! This theory will only better your day, your life, and spare your the anxiety of worrying about the repercussions of your reactions, that added stress you don’t need.
I’ve learned to control my reactions, my emotions, and use my words wisely. Hey, I’m not perfect, I’ve encountered times where my mouth would have a mind of its own - Hi! My name is Vanneza and I have Latina blood running through my veins - but to my defense, it will take A LOT for me to get to that level now. Everyone has that switch, don’t judge me. But I’ll look in that metaphoric mirror and reflect on what happened, acknowledge it, and own it! Don’t play the blame game and point fingers, that shit don’t fly with me. When things go wrong in your life or things turn sour in anything, work, school, relationships, before pointing the finger, look at yourself and ask yourself what did I do wrong or what did I do that got me here?
This theory is good to have in your head when someone is nasty, has an attitude, or is just plain rude: don’t take it personal. Just think... damn, that person must be having a bad day, not my problem. So the next time you’re pointing the finger, make sure you are standing in front of the mirror. Don’t forget to smile! ;)
Tip #5- Talk about it!
I’ll admit, it took some time to get to this point where I would talk about my anxiety and how it would affect me. Now I can talk freely about how I'm able to take hold of something that I’ve giving so much power to. To have this platform right here is therapeutic in itself and reassures me I’m doing something good for me. When I was asked to do this article, I was excited and scared to do it. How can I open up for everyone to see? Will I be relatable to anyone out there? Do I sound stupid? The only way to find out is by doing it. GO BIG OR GO HOME is my motto. All I know is I’m happy with my decision because I know I’m not alone and neither are you. Let’s talk!
LEARN / BELIEVE / LISTEN / LOOK / TALK
There is no magical pill that will cure you from anxiety. It will always be there, that's your body’s natural instinct: you can’t deny it but you can control it. Just like anything else it takes WORK. Yes, medication can help but it doesn’t end there. I was on medication for one year - for me, I knew I didn’t want to be on it for a long. I put in WERK to where I am today... mentally. I worked on learning, believing, listening, reflecting and talking about it. Either you take control of it or it will control you. By all means, I’m no expert on this subject of anxiety but what I’ve mastered is figuring it out! I asked myself, what do I have to do to have a better day, month and year? Just like anything else in life you just have to figure that shit out?!
With much love and admiration,
Vanneza Cardona