7 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress - from a Pro!
We all are exposed to the bright colors, cheery music and advertisements encouraging us to “Be Merry” around the holidays. You know, the ones that show happy families all around the fireplace smiling and looking happy to see each other…
I don’t know about you, but the holidays don’t look like that for me - or anyone I know, come to think of it! Usually there’s a whole lot of stress about time and money and the only wishes are ones that sound like this: “Please don’t let my family get into a catastrophic blowout this year.” Let’s put a reality check on the holiday season, and talk about some ways to manage and cope with this stressful time.
1. Plan Ahead
One good thing about the holidays is that we know when they’re coming. Which means, with a little planning, you can save yourself a whole lot of stress! Try to anticipate what will happen – i.e. Do you need to take time off work to travel? Are there people you’ll have to see that you’re not thrilled about? Will you need some extra money to pay for gifts?
It might be a good idea to look into flights or travel plans ahead of time – you can set travel alerts on many sites now, so as to get the cheapest flights. If you are traveling to see family, what are the sleeping arrangements? Are you going to be on the pullout couch that makes your back hurt for 3 weeks after? Maybe you can bring an inflatable mattress or ask your sister to switch beds. OR if it’s available to you, maybe it’s best for you to get a hotel room and save yourself the stress of being in a house with everyone else altogether. Think about how much time you can tolerate being around family or whatever environment you’re going to and plan the trip in a way that works for you. If it’s best to come back a day early and have that time to get settled back in your own routine, before going back to work, do that for yourself. If it will save you a lot of stress to take a day off and travel at a less busy time, do that for yourself.
If the holidays will disrupt your work, can you plan out your projects or speak to clients ahead of time, so as to minimize the chaos that inevitably ensues when people are out of the office, traveling, or just less focused? Remember, even if you’re on top of everything, others will be distracted at this time, so anticipate and be patient!
We all know money becomes a point of stress over the holidays. Again, there are ways you can plan ahead to mitigate this stress. I recommend saving a little bit starting a few months ahead. You can set up an automatic savings account online and put $5-10 a week in. It will take the money out of your checking account without you even noticing and at the end of a few months, you’ll have some extra money put aside to cushion the holidays. You can also cut down your spending a little in anticipation of this time, or if it’s possible for you – take on some extra work leading up to it, where you can designate that money specifically for holiday spending.
Also, be honest with yourself and others about your financial situation and spending limits. Remember it’s the thought that counts, so if you can only give cards or small gifts, do so with love, rather than spending above your means and causing yourself stress that will last until next holiday season.
Speaking of holiday season stress, buying gifts can be fun but not at the last minute. Start your shopping ahead of time – think about who you need to gift, make lists and shop online if you can. Nothing will add to your holiday stress more than a mall parking lot on the day before Christmas, trust me.
The point is, when we think ahead, we have time to explore options and give ourselves the best chances of a positive experience.
2. Don’t overschedule – Leave time for you!
On the note of planning – try not to over-plan and be sure to leave time for yourself. One of the things that makes this season SO stressful is that our schedules get overwhelmed by holiday gatherings, work parties, cooking, shopping etc. There is simply more on our plate at this time. And if you’re like most people, when you have a lot to do, your own self-care moves to the bottom of the list. That’s not ok. I am giving you permission to prioritize yourself.
We must take care of ourselves to be of any service to others, or even to enjoy our time with others. Be honest with yourself and others about what you need, don’t be afraid to say no, and check in with yourself about your energy level and mood. If you don’t do this, you are more likely to be overwhelmed, overtired, and maybe even reach for negative or destructive coping mechanisms.
Remember, the main pillars of self-care are: sleep, consistent nutrition, and hygiene. Let yourself rest, take a few extra minutes in the shower, take a break from shopping to have dinner, etc.
3. Reality Check your Expectations
Again, there is this false perception that the holidays are supposed to be a magical time. If we’re lucky, they can be. But also… life. Once you’re an adult, chances are you have many other things going on that don’t pause for the holidays. In reality, a holiday is just another day and you are allowed to feel and act how you would any other time. There can be inherent expectations set into the idea of a “special occasion” such as eating differently, dressing a certain way, or being in a specific mood. If you’re stressed at work, or grieving a loved one, the holidays may not be cheerful and that’s ok. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, be yourself, and participate to the extent you feel comfortable with.
4. Know Your Allies
Often times, at holidays we have to see people we don’t like or feel comfortable around. Maybe there’s tension with someone in your family, or you have some social anxiety about networking at a holiday party. Your allies are the people that you're comfortable interacting with and who you enjoy being around. These are the people you can be honest and authentic with. Know who these people are. At the event, can you sit near them or go and talk to them if any discomfort arises? Perhaps if it’s someone you’re close with, you reach out to this person beforehand to let them know specifics that might be difficult for you and how they can help. Allies can also be people outside the event, like friends, whom you can connect with to vent when things get stressful. Having a text exchange with a friend during a busy family event can be a healthy reminder of the outside world.
5. Information Gathering
If you have access to those hosting or organizing the events, get as much information as you can beforehand. This will help you plan ahead so you can be most successful.
For example, what time are the activities – so you can plan when and how long to be there, travel, and anything you need to do for yourself before or after. Will there be food served, and if so, what and when? Again, this will help in terms of planning and setting yourself up – often meals are at odd times on holidays, and when our eating schedule gets thrown off or we don’t eat enough beforehand, it can affect our mood, making the whole thing less pleasant.
Who will be there? If you know the crowd, you can plan for any uncomfortable interactions, and figure out who your allies are. Finally, if you know enough beforehand to know there’s a good chance you will feel poorly, have a difficult time or be triggered in any way, you can make the choice to limit your time or not attend at all. That is always a choice you have.
6. Set Limits/Have an Excuse to Leave
Which brings me to my next point – setting limits. You know yourself and know what you can tolerate. Take care of yourself first. If you know it will be difficult to be somewhere or it may lead to a conflict or destructive behaviors, make choices to limit those things occurring. Using all the tools already mentioned can help. In addition, at the event, you can take breaks. For many people, the holidays are overwhelming just because of the number of people and things happening – it can be overstimulating, to say the least. It’s ok to step outside, take a walk, go in another room and relax, etc.
One thing that can be difficult at holidays is topics of conversation. Chances are your family might bring up something that is uncomfortable for you to talk about or triggering. These days, many conversations can cause divides, including the classic “religion and politics”, but also food values, body talk or events in the media. If there is something you know you do not want to talk about, you can ask ahead of time that the others respect this and not bring up said topic. Otherwise, you can set a limit in the moment by saying something like, “I’d prefer not to talk about that” and change the topic. I suggest going prepared with neutral topics to discuss – maybe a book you read or a movie you saw, a vacation or your pets. Another way in which you can use your allies is to ask them for help in changing the subject if a difficult topic comes up.
Finally, I will emphasize again, you always have the choice to leave. You do not have to stay in any situation that has become uncomfortable or unsafe. If you feel it might be awkward to leave, you can go prepared with an excuse to leave early or let the others know ahead of time that you will be leaving early. If all goes smoothly, and you end up staying, it will be a pleasant surprise for everyone but this way, you have an out and won’t feel stuck.
7. Aftercare
Finally, once the holiday is over, know that you still need to take care of yourself. Because these events can be stressful and overwhelming, you may feel a bit of an “emotional hangover” afterwards. You might feel more tired than usual or be processing the events. Give yourself some time – if it’s possible to take an extra day off work, do so. If you can, engage in some self-care – such as getting a good night’s rest or taking a bubble bath, or coming home and lighting a candle, reading a book – whatever helps you to feel grounded and centered. Get back on your routine to return a sense of normalcy. Utilize your support network to talk through anything that happened, or journal if it’s helpful. Whatever happened, be kind and compassionate to yourself. Learn from the events and use that learning to make better choices next time. Don’t forget to give yourself credit for what went right!
Try these skills and feel free to comment on what worked and what you learned. Wishing you all a safe and smooth holiday season!
Lauren Fabrizio, MPS, ATR-BC, LCAT is a Creative Arts Therapist, specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, trauma, anxiety and depression. She received a Bachelors of Fine Arts from New York University and her Masters degree in Art Therapy from the School of Visual Arts. She has led art therapy groups and coordinated programs at several treatment centers. Lauren currently has a private practice based in New York City. Lauren believes in a holistic, client-centered approach to healing, and works intuitively, blending traditional talk therapy with art therapy techniques and spiritual empowerment practices. Lauren’s passion lies in helping people to become empowered, finding balance and emotional fulfillment in their lives. She can be found at www.laurenfabrizio.com or on Instagram at: @laurenfabrizio