The Opposite of Addiction is Community

RipLB was fortunate to get to sit down with Mario Diurno, a young person in recovery, who is also actively involved in "the movement" around recovery in the US, as well!

RipLB: Mario, let's get some stats from you before we jump in. Where are you from, and what's your sober date?

Mario: I'm from Norwalk Connecticut, and my sober date is 10/10/14. It’s not my first date. My original one is 10/29/2004. Relapse is part of my story - I would get a couple years and go back out.

RipLB: Oh wow, it's good to hear that because although I'm sorry you had to go through relapse, it lets other people know that they're not the only one. What was that like for you?

Mario: When I seek recovery I do really well. I get a really good life, and then I put everything in front of my recovery and then I lose it. It’s the same trend every time. It doesn’t happen overnight, it starts by cutting back on my meetings, getting disconnected, doing more of my “more about me” kind of thing - my brain starts lying to me. And once I start, I can’t stop. That’s the problem.

RipLB: How did you know you had a problem, in the beginning?

Mario: I didn’t know it was an issue, I just thought it was okay, I didn’t care... it got me away. It did what it was supposed to do. But once I started seeing some of the negative consequences, that’s when I started realizing. When I was 17 I started having negative consequences but I kept disregarding it. Once I was around 22 or 23 that’s when stuff started happening. I started getting arrested, overdosing, I was put on life support, they said I coded. That’s probably when I started trying to do something different.

RipLB: This may sound like a weird question, but, was it hard to stop drinking/using? How did you do it?

Mario: Not really. For me I’m a big rehab guy so I’ve never been able to just stop [drinking or using] and then come right into support groups - that’s just for me. My trend, which sucks because the system is so flawed, I’d have to go into an ER or a psych ward and tell them I was suicidal (which was fine, because I was), or I'd have to be drunk. Then I’d go into a treatment center, stay as long as I could, and then I’d go into an area and plug in. Once I would get a few weeks away from it, I wouldn’t really get the cravings or obsession - once I do that and I have support, which is huge, I start doing really well. Without the support of family and friends, I wouldn’t have had a chance.

RipLB: How did your family deal? What was helpful/beneficial that they did, in your experience?

Mario: They just never gave up on me. They really didn’t. It got harder for them because when the relapses got worse it really was affecting them emotionally and making them sick, but at the end of the day if I really reached out and was dying for help they were there immediately. It was a learning process for them. I’m first generation so it was a process. Now they get it. They definitely get it now.

RipLB: Was there stuff you saw them do that was helpful for them?

Mario: At one point they had to distance themselves from me and change the locks. It hurt me but it was probably the best thing they did for themselves. But they never gave up on me, that was a big deal.

RipLB: What changes did you have to make in your daily life once you were sober?

Mario: Oof! Like, everything really. I had to get up, get out, do uncomfortable things - talk to people I didn’t necessarily want to talk to, be honest about where I was at emotionally and mentally which was a new concept. I had to stay busy - that was a huge one! Coming into recovery... it’s like you’re an alien dropped on your head or a person just being born. I didn't know what I liked or didn't like. It’s like trying to fill your time with positive things - the opposite of what I used to do. Change your phone number - those environmental cues are huge: a neighborhood, a certain route. Just seeing people or old friends could set you off. I know it affects me, definitely.

RipLB: What was your first meeting like?

Mario: The first one ever was very scary. It was just overwhelming, I didn’t trust anyone. The first one I didn't even use my real name! For the first 6 months of my recovery, I told everyone my name was Skippy! Haha! I was on the fence still, I was just checking it out. I wasn’t sure about any of it, I was kind of "shopping." I wasn’t all in yet.

RipLB: When did things start to change?

Mario: My moment when things started to change... I walked into a meeting and Greg Williams was speaking. I totally judged him because he looked really young. Plus it’s just a common thing for anyone to judge someone. But then he was telling my story, I could relate to it and I was like, "yeah, I belong here." This was months in. Until then I was going through the motions and doing this stuff with the group, because we were doing it together. But that [moment when Greg was speaking] was the first time I connected like crazy, so I went up to him after and asked him to help me and that’s when things really changed.

RipLB: What do you mean by that more specifically? In what way did things change?

Mario: It was the first time I let someone else give me direction. I was open to different ideas that weren’t mine and I was like, "well, it worked for this kid." At the time, he was 19 and had two years [of sobriety] or something. He was like me - the way he talked about the feelings, and what he actually did was so on par with what I did that I couldn’t deny it. It was the first time I put my trust out there with someone I didn’t know. I had faith in it but pretty much let him take the wheel. That’s where it started. I gave it a whirl, and it worked! The main thing, too, is that he showed me that life wasn’t over, it wasn’t a death sentence and that we could have so much fun in recovery. If that wasn't there, I don’t think I would’ve stayed. We had (and have) a LOT of fun.

RipLB: What keeps you coming back to meetings?

Mario: Now? I think I actually like it. That’s one thing: I enjoy it. Also, to “keep it green," so I don’t forget where I came from, but also to be of use to someone else. Because that’s the main thing: the main problem is not the drugs, the alcohol, etc., it’s really that this illness is such a self-centered illness. When I'm in it, I think of myself all day, whether that's “I’m a piece of shit” or “I’m better than them.” So the more I can get out of myself and help other people, the better I feel. It literally saves my life, it keeps me going. It’s kind of like my medication. Because there is no pill, so that’s it right there.

The other thing I want to say that I’m a big, big supporter of is... I support every pathway to recovery. [What I'm talking about] is just what works for me, but I know 100% it’s not the only way. I’ve been on medication-assisted treatment, I think that works too. But I also think you have to do other things as well. Everything has a contingency on it. I believe faith works too. And, there’s hundreds of different programs. One is "S.M.A.R.T. recovery." I’m a supporter of anything that works, whatever works for you. You've got to take that, dive in, integrate it and use it. I get mad when people say “this is the only way." It’s none of my business what works for Joe Blow. Whatever works for him, I’m supportive.

RipLB: That's awesome. So, what do you do for fun in recovery?

Mario: What do I do for fun? I go to a lot of concerts! I hang out with friends, family. I travel a lot which is crazy. It's a foreign concept to me! I’ve been blessed to be really good friends with Greg and the opportunities and things I’ve learned from him are things I’ve been blessed with - they call it "work," but it’s not work to me. Going to different events like a screening, a conference, I’m a total people person, I love networking and asking people about their story. I just started a new job and I get to meet a lot of people and connect with them. Human connection, that’s the opposite of substance disorder - human connection. The opposite of active addiction is community. It’s everything. Without that, if I isolate, that’s the #1 enemy.

RipLB: That's so cool to hear it said like that. I think there's a TED Talk about how the opposite of addiction is connection. So how do you handle a tough day now, being in recovery?

Mario: Ooh, that’s a good question. I talk about it, I try to right away be transparent with people, with my sober network. I maybe ask others for advice. I really try to get up and get out of my head. If I sit in my head, it’s a dangerous place when it’s in a bad spot. I try to use my network, go to a support meeting, talk about it, be around other people - laughter is the best medicine! So if I’m around my guys and we’re talking, laughing, they’re usually the best people that can cheer me up. So those are a few things. They might sound easy but, to call someone when you’re in a bad spot is one of the hardest things to do. But it’s like what they tell you to do in the beginning. I pick up the phone and call people now because in the beginning I trained myself to do it, based on others’ suggestions. This really is for anyone: everyone’s at different levels and we’re all different people, but if you do the same things others have done to be successful in recovery like calling people, going to meetings, maybe getting therapy, it’s available to everyone and everyone can recover. No one’s worse or better than anyone.

For me, there were times in between my sobriety, I couldn’t even get a day sober or half an hour sober. The disease had me and it had its grips on me. There was nothing I could do at the time or anyone else could do for me but luckily I made it back. There were times that were so bad that even though I knew it worked and I had experienced it first hand, I was in a spot where I couldn't put the substance down. And THAT'S the worst, because you can’t do it and everyone thinks, "Just stop!" But it’s not about manning up. You think I wanna be out here, homeless and [selling/doing?] crack? No, no one wants to be out here that messed up.

RipLB: For parents today who are wondering what to keep an eye out for, is there anything you'd tell them?

Mario: Hmm... I think the best tool would be education. If I was a parent right now or if I was just me speaking to a parent, I would say, arm yourself with education about this illness. Don’t ever think, "oh, that can’t be my kid." I feel bad because parents often blame themselves but the fact is that they have no control over whether their son or daughter has this illness. The best you can do is early education and open that line of communication with your son or daughter.

RipLB: What would you tell the family of someone who’s struggling with addiction?

Mario: I would just say don’t lose hope. Get some help for yourself to learn healthy boundaries and self-help, and just to keep it alive. Really try to not give up.

RipLB: What’s your favorite part of recovery?

Mario: My favorite part is being able to remember the day, what I did today, and also to be able to feel. To have actual feelings. There’s these moments throughout the day where I’ll be with someone or a song will come on... it’s like these goosebump moments, where something will happen and I'll get so emotional. You can’t stop the goosebumps.

RipLB: What do you do now professionally?

Mario: I’m always going to be a big part of Facing Addiction. It’s a nonprofit national [organization] that is dedicating and devoting everything to removing stigma and creating that roadmap for recovery supports and services that just doesn’t exist. It’s being compared to the American Cancer Society. If you have an issue with your son or daughter you wouldn’t know where to go, so it’s trying to unify all the fragmented parts and bring it together.

One of the coolest things we’ve done is we partnered with Dr. Oz, I think it’s called "Facing Addiction over Dinner." The point is to have a national night of conversation. We want to encourage families to have dinner together without any cells or tablets and have an open discussion about addiction, recovery - having those uncomfortable conversations we don't want to talk about, but that could save someone’s life. Everybody got behind it and he encouraged people to take pictures of their table settings to show that they really did it. It was cool, people got really involved.

RipLB: That's so cool! And you got a new job recently, right?

Mario: I recently started working for Ambrosia Treatment Center, so I’m excited to be able to help families and help people seeking treatment, whether it’s with Ambrosia or someone else. No matter what, we work on getting people in somewhere for the help they need. I’m excited to be able to offer recovery to people.

RipLB: Lastly, where can people find you online?

Mario: Oh, my Facebook or my email!

#recovery #overdose