6 Sentences that Help Me Stay Sober
As long as I’m staying sober, my disease is doing pushups. At this point, if I were to have a relapse, I don’t know if I have another recovery in me so that keeps me focused on staying in recovery. Here are some things I do that help.
1. Keep it in the day.
One of the best ways for me to stay sober is I "keep it in the day," meaning, all I need to focus on is today. Earlier on in my sobriety, I had to keep it in the hour, the minute, the second. I don’t have to get drunk today. Tomorrow doesn’t matter. If you have to: keep it in the hour, the minute, or the second.
2. Be involved in the stream of life.
I’ve been given a lot of things – not just materialistic things, but a life. I work, I have a good job. I'm a union sheet metal worker - we call ourselves Tin Knockers. Many people line up to apply for my job; they give out applications once a year. I have a lot of responsibilities today. I’m not asked to come to work tomorrow, I’m expected to come to work tomorrow.
For me, keeping my mind occupied in these types of things is helpful whether it’s with my job or mopping the house, or any activity. Idle time is never my thing. I don’t have to obsess about a drink or a drug when I’m busy thinking about my life.
As an aside, one way I kept busy in early sobriety involved going to Sean Monaghan’s boxing gym for six months. You want humility in early sobriety? Go get punched in the face a few times. ;)
3. Find your own philosophies.
To keep with the boxing theme, the movie The Fighter came out when I was in early sobriety. I went to the theatre to watch it, a few times. It was a really cool movie and the timing was perfect for me.
I also have little readings I used to do often. It wasn’t just a drink and a drug problem for me, it was also a "Chris problem." I remember reading this one thing, I don’t remember where it was from, but it was about these three bricklayers. They’re working on a job and a guy walks by them and says to the first bricklayer, "What are you doing?" And the first bricklayer says, "I’m busting my hump to make lousy pay, I’m miserable." Then he asks the second bricklayer, and the second one says, “I’m laying a brick, what does it look like I’m doing?” Then he asks the third bricklayer, and the third one says, “I’m building a children’s hospital”.
I try to think about that and say to myself, which bricklayer am I being? I have a good chance of making it the rest of the day without picking up a drink from remembering my bricklayers.
4. Reach out and help others (or be helped).
The phone is a very powerful tool that people seem to neglect. It’s even so much easier now with text messaging, although phone calls are definitely more personal to actually hear what someone is feeling.
The old timers – and you can’t thank them enough for the things they share – but they talk about how they would walk around with change in their pockets to make the phone calls they needed to. By doing that, they helped the people get sober who in turn helped me get sober. They always say pick up the phone, talk to another alcoholic or drug addict or person with an eating disorder - talk to someone who's going through what you've gone through. Even if I have one day and you have zero days, I could help you out with that one day of knowledge.
In my other article, I shared the story about the three men who came and helped me. I try to be helpful like those three men: I try to help a sick person, or sometimes a parent, who reaches out to me.
Side note for anyone who’s in that situation of helping someone struggling: I suggest not doing it alone – bring another sober person with you. Try to get the person you're helping to eat something, because with a lot of things people do nowadays, it completely malnourishes them. Try to get that person into a safe environment. Also, relate to them. I don’t compare, I try to relate to the feelings. My story is different from a lot of people’s stories, but my low feels just as low: your bottom could be in a jail cell or a mansion.
5. Play the tape through.
I have obligations now, so I’m a big proponent of waking up, suiting up, putting one foot in front of the other and going about my business. Whether it’s going to work every day, or having to clean my house, I’m aware I have responsibilities today and I try to fulfill them. A drink or a drug is not going to make any of that better. It’s definitely not going to make me more responsible. You hear this a lot around death, like: "How are you going to get through it without a drink or a drug?" But for me, it's definitely going to be ten times worse if I add a drink or a drug to the situation.
So, I’m at a stage where I can "play the tape through" and see what that would be like. Playing the tape through is like a reminder of where the drink took you: maybe a crack house, a bed covered in your own urine, or self loathing.
6. Surround yourself with support.
I was lucky enough to speak at a couple of rehabs and detoxes. They try to bring a message into most of them, whether it’s a celebrity rehab or a barely-have-insurance rehab, and one message is: "stick with the winners".
Having helpful support is huge, especially early on. I made so many friends in early sobriety. We would do things like go to diners, bowling, all that fun stuff. All the things I wasn’t doing when I was active in my addiction. When you’re in the full grips of addiction or alcoholism, that’s a full-time job - between the lying, manipulating, and sneaking. I am too tired to be lying, manipulating and sneaking like that. I don’t want go back to that. I keep my plate full without that now.
Do you relate to anything Chris shared? What do you do to stay "involved in life"? Share in the comments!