Three Generations: What I’ve Learned from Running with My Dad and Daughter

I grew up watching my dad run- run for fun, for stress relief, and for marathon PRs. I guess it wasn’t surprising then when I picked up competitive running in high school and carried it on through college and into my thirties. Since having my daughter a few months ago, I’ve been lucky enough to get out for a few runs with my dad by my side and my daughter in tow. The profundity of it - three generations sharing this experience - has not been lost on me. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way.

The author, her father, and daughter.

1. It’s Okay to Slow Down

With a baby in a stroller, my dad nearing 70 years old, and my body still recovering from pregnancy and childbirth, our runs have certainly not been what course records and personal bests are made of! But then again, when was that ever really the point? Sure, there have been many times when running fast and hitting certain times were important, but there was always a larger meaning to it all-- a meaning I have only just begun to understand in recent months. Because now when we go out for a run, we rarely plan how far or how fast we want to go. Instead, we just take it as it comes, see how we feel, and enjoy being out there, full of life, making memories with each step. We use the time to talk, laugh, stop and say hi to old friends we see along the way, and chat and play with Leila - all things we couldn’t do if we were racing the clock.

2. Don’t Be a Slave To Expectations

Recently, an article was circulating around social media which asserted that unmet expectations are the cause of many of life’s frustrations and struggles. The author even came up with this handy equation: Expectations - Observation = Frustration. While it’s important to have certain expectations which shape the tone of our lives, it’s also vital to accurately observe what is, let go of what we wish it was, and then react accordingly. Running with an infant who may or may not be ‘having it’ at any particular moment, a dad who needs to respect the fragility of his knees that have seen him through 40 some odd years of miles, and a postpartum body that is re-learning what exercise is, I have learned to honor what our reality is and not let my expectations ruin the moment. Then, I can - without too much frustration - appropriately adjust, and, of course, set goals for the future.

3. Be With the People You Love

I once had a long standing disagreement with someone who asserted that it didn’t matter where he lived - it mattered most who he was with. I wasn’t so sure - I thought that if I lived somewhere I wasn’t 100% into, then I couldn’t be happy. But, having spent the last seven years living in my hometown - a place I swore I’d never stay - as it turns out, he was pretty much right. Maybe it’s not a perfect comparison - but the main point rings true. Life is about who you spend it with. The where and the how are certainly significant points as well, but it’s the ‘who’ that truly matters. Had I, for example, stuck it out in San Diego, an amazing locale, but thousands of miles from my family and friends, the experience of logging miles with my daughter and father would have been wholly lost to me. So, when I prioritize making the time to get out on the roads with two of the most important people in my life, I am acknowledging, with each step, the simple and essential truth that life is about sharing experiences with the ones we love.

4. Remember the Big Picture

When I would come home for breaks during college, my dad would often accompany me on my runs. At the time, he was still in fierce shape and I was probably in the best shape of my life, but I sometimes “lost it” on runs. If I was physically struggling, or was emotionally exhausted and and just didn’t want to log the miles that day, I would nearly hyperventilate as I held back panicked tears. I often would come to an abrupt stop before my dad even realized what was happening. But he was always there to remind me of “the big picture”- that in the grand scheme of things that particular run, that particular track season, and even that particular time of my life, was just a blip on the screen of my entire life experience. Hearing those words always helped me catch my breath and get through the moment. And now, so many years later, I am living what my dad taught me. When we three run together, I can’t believe how lucky I am - to see my father with her - all the miles his body has seen, and all the miles hers will see, it’s overwhelming in all ways wonderful; truly, I am currently living ‘the big picture,’ and it’s a beautiful one.

#selfcare #lifestyle #running